Thursday, November 18, 2010

the Nightmare.

I had a nightmare last night. It is one I have over and over again. Its not really a nightmare, more like a re-telling of a moment in my life that forever will haunt me. foooooorrrrreeeeeeevvvvvveeerrrrrrrrrr. (Name that movie...) This is not fiction. This is real life. My life. Don't be jealous. Anyway, back to the nightmare. Let me set the scene: 

*The names have been changed to protect the innocent.*

Its my freshman year of high school. I hang with the cool kids. I'm pretty happy with myself. I had all the things that are important to a freshman girl: friends, looks, and a Northface backpack. It was approaching Homecoming time and I some how landed one of the hottest guys in school as my date. Not only was he super attractive, but he was older! I scored. Big time. We will call him Nate. So homecoming was themed the "Time Warp." Nate and I decided we would go as a T-bird and a Pink Lady. There I was the night of Homecoming in my best Sandy: those are tight black pants, black leather jacket, big hair, and RUBY red lipstick. I looked hot. Well, hot for a freshman in high school. Nate and his best friend "Sam" and his date "Allie" came by the house to pick me up. Pictures happened... They have long since been lost. We left for the dance, happy as clams.

*Disclaimer for the next part - Mother, if you are reading this... I'm sorry. Underage drinking is bad.*

We were all piled in to Sam's Bronco in the school parking lot waiting to go in to the dance. One of the boys brought a water bottle full of tequila. Note: to this day, tequila makes me shiver. We took turns taking shots then headed in to the dance. We were having a BLAST. I was feeling good, perhaps a little too much so... We danced, laughed, I thought I was too cool for school with my too tight of pants and super hot date. Then it happened. Nate left to go to the bathroom and left me on the dance floor. I was happily dancing with Allie and Sam when I felt someone bumpin and grindin behind me. I turned around and saw that it was one of the seniors. So, as to not make a senior all mad at me I danced with him for a minute. And then... And then... He planted one on me. A kiss. A BIG FAT WET KISS. I was in shock and a little buzzed so it took me a second to react. When I came to, I pushed him away and ran. This was no ordinary senior. Oh no... This was, well, he was not ordinary at all. He was *whispers* a little person. Everyone pause for a moment and check out #15 on my "about me" list HERE. Are you back? Ok, good. So this makes a little more sense now, right. I think I had someone take me home. Immediately. Needless to say, Nate and I didn't fall in love that night and live happily ever after. I never even told him I was leaving. To make matters worse, there were less 400 kids in my high school, so I had to see the assailant nearly EVERYDAY for my entire freshman year. Was everyone talking about what happened behind my back? I don't know for sure, but it felt like it. Luckily I transferred to another high school the next year  (for unrelated reasons.) Leaving the scene of the crime, behind me. But in my dreams, I will forever be haunted by "the attack."

I made out with a midget. On the dance floor. At my freshman homecoming.

This post is not intended to offend anyone. It is just a recounting of an event in my life. Please don't send me hate mail.

Oh, and don't forget to enter my GIVEAWAY. It will make me feel better :)


Lenzi said...

I'm dying. This is hilarious! And you tell the story with perfection!
I have recurring nightmares about sharks, yours seems way more fun. At least you get to wear leather pants in your dream.

fifth floor up said...

O.M.G. Hilarious! Te he he he!! Still cracks me up!

Sweet Simplicity said...

You are a great story teller! Too bad the pictures have been lost. I would have loved to see your costume!

johannaknip said...

So, what you are trying to say here is that I should cancel the midget Christmas carolers I planned to send to your house this year?

Ms. E said...

Please please please say "little person" instead.

Livvy's Mommy said...

OMG Jessica! That is hilarious!! I just have one did you not realize he was a little person when you kissed him? Did you not have to bend down? Or are you just that short? LOL! Anyway, thanks for the laugh!

Megan said...

Hahah! you are so funny!

Perfectly Imperfect said...

I laughed out loud at this. But I may have nightmares now too as I share your irrational fear of little people.

I sure hope this wasn't your first kiss ;)

Jane said...

It is taking everything I have to refrain from posting a picture of !!!! on my blog and proclaiming him as your midget! HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHHAHHAH!